I’m a humanities professor. im tenured and make almost 47,000 dollars a year (at a decent university). im also a 44 year old sex pervert and as recently as yesterday evening am in the midst of a sexual affair with a 22 year old bouncy-titted half hispanic undergrad. we met while on a study abroad in portugal, where we started sleeping together. i am intellectually gifted enough to understand why this is unethical and understand the exact risks to my career and reputation. however, i have calculated that the emotional and physical benefits of being sexually desirable to a very attractive female outweigh these risks. ultimately, at my core i am an iconoclast who thrives when undermining the status quo, as a matter of fact, especially if it hurts my career and name. if i end up compromising my job, i will switch to becoming a full time artist, even if it means losing a stable income for my family. my credibility has actually increased because i have acted out in a visceral and emotional way like charles bukowski and gore vidal or something. i was bullied in high school because i was bad at sports, and so landing a 10 is my way of proving my masculinity to myself and others. for this, i am willing to defile noble conventions between mentor and student that have stood for hundreds of years, and continue to use my position of authority as a method to attract and seduce beautiful women. “regrets, ive had a few but then again, too few to mention”: thats my mantra and how i live my life, pleasures first. i actually fantasize about getting caught and often purposefully leave my email open when i turn on the projector for class. ive spent the last 15 years flirting with young women as a career choice and still can’t get enough. although most humanities professors are too awkward to sleep with their students, my perverted psychological profile reflects that of the greater majority of academic faculty across the country, and represents a good deal of what is paid for by your tax dollars in the university system. still i’ll write articles for media talking about the profundity of a good education god damn chloe has some perky titties tho i mean holy shi

(author’s note: i think that cat is out of the bag w regard to humanities professors but. i mean fuck, like just go home and kiss/sleep with your wife with no concern for her pleasure. some are 60+ years old STILL pervin on chloe, like i know you just had your first daughter 4 years ago with a masters student but damn. that’s another problem too. dad’s are supposed to acclimate their children to what men are, in like a broad sense. way to give her over to fruity grandpa perception, no way that’s not healthy right grandpa? “im in the fourth grade and my dad’s like 90. this isnt sad.” whatever, kid.

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